I stress over being a good parent. I’ve watched 1-2-3 Magic
In this passage there are two great ideas:
1. Don’t cause a little one to stumble or you need to have a rock tied to your neck and be thrown into the ocean…. Nice.
2. If one of these little ones gets lost, stop everything and go find him or her. What about the others? Leave them, and go get the lost one. Simple (this is the whole shepherd leaving the 99 sheep to find and rescue the 1).
How is this simple? It helps me view my actions this way: Does what I say or do hinder my children’s growth or help it?
Keeping a child from stumbling doesn’t mean micro-managing. It means making a clear path. I don’t have to direct every step. I need to get things out of the way so they can explore and discover. The biggest thing I need to get out of the way is me. This doesn’t mean lack of involvement. It means enough sense to stop doing things that mess with a child’s desire to grow and start doing things that help open the world (i.e. make a clear, large, open path).
I’m learning to ask myself these questions:
- Does the way I talk to their mom cause a stumbling block?
- Does my use of technology (i.e. turn the dang phone off!) cause them to stumble?
- Does my use of time give an example of living life to the full or sitting on the couch and let time slide on by?
- How do I approach my job?
- How do I approach my faith and my disciplines?
- How do I handle money and material stuff?
On the other hand, if a child is lost, listless, floating, heading down roads of lostness and destructive habits, etc, it’s pretty important for me to make an effort to seek him out. I have a feeling this will apply much later and it will be difficult: what constitutes being ‘lost’?
This one’s going to be tough, but I do know that it means being aware of where my children will be at all times. I will always be a Dad. I’ll always love these three little ones that live in my house. I don’t care if they’re 3 or 63 and I’m still drawing breath, I’ll want to know where and who they are.
What are some hooks that help you keep focused on what’s important in your parenting?
Kids pay attention to EVERYTHING. The way I interact with their mother is tantamount to everything else. My wife and I work hard to stay on the same page, going as far as conferencing in our bedroom before we punish or dole out chores so we don’t get played against each other. The most important thing we do is put each other first then figure out how to deal with the kids. If my wife and I are happy with each other we won’t take things out on our 3 daughters.
I am learning to react less and act more. The girls appreciate that I talk to them before getting on to them or correcting them.
This is some good stuff, Brett! My biggest saving grace for parenting is that I get another shot to do it better tomorrow. I inevitably mess up by having my priorities off or getting grumpy and throwing a nutty right along side my child or speaking to my husband in a way that doesn’t honor him. But the chance to have another and fresh go at it each day reminds me that even if I do give them cause to stumble one day, I can apologize to them and start fresh then next.
Lance – I met with a bunch of guys this morning and the topic was being a dad. And by far and away the top item from the ‘old dads’ was time spent with the wife and trying not to correct each other or dispute over things in the kids’ presence. Of course, nobody’s perfect, but I know the better I am to Tina, the more my daughter expects that from a future guy and my boys will make the effort to treat girls well.
Ingrid – My favorite new phrase ‘throwing a nutty.’ I love that view of grace: yesterday or even last hour is gone. Keeping short accounts and being gentle on ourselves while working on things is a hard balance.
By the way, if you guys happen back on these comments: I love the way both of you write.
loving your blog, friend….
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Brett, these are all excellent points to remember. Being a Dad isn’t easy especially with more than 1. I have found that I do well when I spend 1:1 time with them, ask pointed questions, solicit feedback and then put into practice what they tell me. This has served me the best through the years.
I’m trying really hard to find time to pull one at a time aside–preferably away from the house–for some 1 on 1 time. I need to quit trying and do it! Of course, my kids’ ages are a little young for much feedback, but I know I need to start creating space for that to happen.
And Chris–love the morning greetings!