And she’s my wife who today celebrates an undisclosed birthday.
I just want to take a brief moment to say that I’m so completely thankful that she was born and that God gave her the grace to love a fellow like me.
Sweetie–thank you for all you do, day in and day out, and for all you are, inside and out. You are a blessing and an absolute blast! I look forward to many years of getting to know you even better.
I’m going to go buy you some donuts while the cake bakes. I love you!
I recently wrote a post about the need to be more patient when learning to communicate with anyone from preschoolers to spouses.
I told a cute little story. I wrapped it up with a tidy list of tips on more clearly understanding and talking with friends and family.
I fully stand by my list. But I should out myself.
I totally stink at it sometimes.
When my twin boys decide that I turned the bath water off at the wrong time or gave them the wrong color sippy cup (or it shouldn’t have been me but Mommy who should have given it to them in the first place) or that I should have let them pull the tissue out of the box not I on their behalf, I simply can’t be awesomely patient.
No matter how well I lay out the logic that these things don’t matter, they insist on having meltdowns.
When our sweet four year old daughter requires a snack and a drink 3 minutes after she ate 2 bites of her dinner and then asks for it with machine gun rapidity whilst I change a half-potty-trained 3 year old boy’s pull-up, I also cannot be awesomely patient.
When I explain to her that I’m busy with some poo and she’ll have to wait, she explains, beginning with my favorite phrase, “But Daddy… I want a snack and a drink.”
Ah… the world shall stop until thy crackers are delivered!
I Blog Because I’m a Sojourner, not an Expert
The fact is that for all my musings and suggestions and opinions and helpful bulleted-points, I am just a guy whose keen rational insight and logical deductions are useless in the battle of wits I find myself in with my kids.
Our Sweet Little Angels (Photo Courtesy of Kimberly Herbert Photography)
In the end, I have to put myself in a time out. I have to confess my insecurities and my poor fathering to my wife. I pray.
I’m coming to the conclusion that parenting does not follow bulleted lists. We follow are routines as best as we can and we create structures to encourage growth, but preschoolers (the extent of my experience) don’t angelically acquiesce to our systems.
The two approaches to the world clash: They are searching and ramming their heads against the safe and hopefully life-encouraging boundaries we try to create.
I might, in the end, be able to control what color sippy cup goes to whom, or whether I’ll respond to the unexpected tantrum that orange vs. red elicits.
But I can’t control whether or not they have the tantrum. And giving in to them every time just creates more tantrums because they’ll decide that tantrums work.
I just need to learn to stick to my guns while taking a mental trip to my happy place if or when the screaming commences.*
There are no big lists at the end of this short post. It’s simply a confession that there are moments when having three kids under five years old absolutely confounds me.
*Lest it seem like we live in a madhouse, we don’t. We are extremely blessed with sweet-natured, healthy little ones. They’re just doing what little ones do from time to time.
I thought I was a good communicator, until I tried to teach my kids (3 yr old twin boys and 4 1/2 daughter) how to use walkie talkies.
“OK, push the button and hold it down, then talk,” said I to my daughter.
Daughter: Pushes the button, let’s it go, and then holds walkie talkie down–like puts it at her knees–and then talks (but no where remotely close to talking in the actual handset).
“No, no, no. Hold the button down, then talk,”
Daughter: Pushes the button down. Let’s it go. Then talks.
(And various computations and permutations of that…. Then the same with her brothers.)
I got a little frustrated. “Just stand in different rooms and talk loud enough for your brother to hear you and pretend.”
Photo by Geomangio
Then one of the twins looked confused, held up the handset, and asked, “Where’s the music Daddy?” First, the handset does look like a little transistor radio. But second, when has he ever seen a transistor radio?
“No son, it’s not a radio. It’s a walkie talkie. You know what? Nevermind.” (Dad then walks away to heat up coffee in the microwave).
I realized that effective communication in a family is hard work. We have to learn to explain and share in ways that are understood
What We Think We’re Saying vs. What’s Being Heard
A hardcore personal development friend of mine has a ‘daily practice’ list. On his list of 12 daily practice items (complete with check-off boxes to track progress) is one particular line: ”Spend quality time with wife and daughter.”
He showed the list to his wife. She observed that his ‘Spend quality time with wife and daughter’ was checked extremely frequently, prompting her to ask: ”Why is that box checked so often? I think you’ve just been ticking it off.”
He sincerely felt that he checked that box when he truly spent quality time. Apparently, he and his spouse have different working definitions of ‘quality time.’
I think an iPad was involved, but I cannot be sure.
Being Heard… And Understood
My friend’s experience with his wife who thought he was fulfilling his commitment to quality time with his family, I always assume my gestures and words are fully grasped.
With my kids, the phrase ‘hold down the button’ was totally simple, right? I learned a couple weeks later that they still didn’t get it when I tried to teach them how to hold the ‘B’ button down to play Wii bowling.
I also need to be clearer in my adult relationships–sometimes my intent is missed (of course there are also times when I’m just a jerk).
While some would belly laugh at the thought of my giving suggestions about communication, I have learned 4 things:
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It’s been a while since I’ve submitted a Thankful Thursday. I’ve been thankful, but I’ve not felt compelled to write about it.
Today I’m writing because Thankful Thursday is a discipline that I want to keep at least once a month if not weekly.
As my wife drifts off in the bed next to me and slight scent of maple embers floats upstairs, I’d like to express a little gratitude.
1. Our Fireplace: We’ve had fires 5 out of the last 6 nights. While i enjoy a nice, well-used fireplace, my wife absolutely adores them–to the point where she even relieves me from some of the bed-time mayhem when I get home from work to go fetch the firewood. Evenings are a bit more cozy when the hearth is aflame.
2. Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand
You will not be wasting your time if you pick the book up–in my humble, average joe opinion.
3. Lack of Control: There have been times in my life when I’ve felt the need to control what people thought about me, what they did, and where in the row all my ducks were arranged. Lately, I’ve not felt so concerned with these things. I struggle a little with not being able to control the listening skills of my kids, but on the whole, I realize that (a) the best I can do is the best I can do, (b) if I make/made a mistake, all I can do is my best moving forward, and (c) my best doesn’t guarantee me anything except for the satisfaction of knowing the effort was there.
I’m supposed to be a man of faith. One of the great things about faith is that I can trust that Someone much smarter, loving, and powerful than I is in control. If, by some crazy chance, there is no such Someone, I still don’t think I’d be any better at pulling all the strings. I’m sure the folks in my life appreciate it when I don’t try to take up the reins.
If I had a fourth bullet point, it’d be that Melissa d’Arabian accidentally linked to my post on cooking tips on her Facebook fan page. I got more hits that day than any other day. Thankfully it surpassed this sad post as my most read piece.
I hope you enjoy your Thursday and the upcoming weekend! If you have a moment leave a comment about what you’re thankful for.
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My wife found this recipe for spinach and feta quesadillas yesterday. I’m guessing she Pinned it (I will admit that Pinterest thing looks cool, but I’ll leave that to her while she leaves Twitter to me).
In the fridge, we had some spinach and feta and tortillas so it made solid sense to cook some up.
As I was whipping up dinner, I thought of some of my favorite home cook kitchen hacks. I’m not a fancy chef, but I got some skills. If you’re challenged around the kitchen, read on. I think I have a couple things I can teach you.
Trust me, my cooking is one of my chief methods for keeping my lady happy.
Brett’s Top 6 Tips for Developing Deliciousness:
1. Onion, Bell Pepper, and Garlic Are Your Friends: If we have all three fresh in the fridge, our spaghetti sauce, chili, Mexican, or Chinese is instantly better. Slice, dice, and saute as a base for any number of dishes.
2. Learn Families of Herbs & Spices: Admittedly, my family gets in a rut. But we like our ruts: We have a Mexi-rut and an Italia-rut.
For our Mexican, we make sure to toss in some cumin, cilantro (preferably fresh, but we also have dried), chili pepper, paprika, and cayenne.
For our Italian, we always have some oregano, parsley, basil, garlic, and red pepper flakes.
If you like Greek, Chinese, Indian, or some other ethnic foods, take note of what comes up in the recipes you like. You’ll be able to be more creative with what you have in the refrigerator if you can shade your foods in the direction that you like.
3. Quesadillas for Fun Fridge-Emptying Options: You can, in the words of Rob Lowe’s Parks & Rec character, literally make a quesadilla out of anything. It’s a great option for chicken, spinach, onion, peppers, broccoli, and nearly any kind of cheese.
4. Flatbreads + Sauce + Cheese = Pizza: Our favorite method of making personal pizza is to take a flatbread, brush with olive oil, spread with tomato sauce (we’ll blend up our own, but we aren’t too good for the jar), top with whatever we have in the fridge (we’ve even used sauteed sandwich meat ham), cover with cheese and pop on the grill outside or the oven inside. Great for Friday or Saturday movie nights.
5. Follow Recipes but Learn Principles: This relates to the herb/spice family item above, but it also includes cooking methods and cooking times, temps, and even chemistry. As you follow recipes over time, pay attention to why certain ingredients are used or how different flavors go together. My wife, the baker and ardent recipe follower, is even starting to riff on the muffins and cakes she creates.
6. Experiment: The spinach feta quesadilla recipe called for Greek ingredients but we didn’t have the stuff they suggested. I opted for my Mexican options, added some sauteed garlic, onion, and green pepper. But on a whim, I sprinkled in some cinnamon. It was a very light and pleasing added dimension.
Resources
If you’re interested in learning principles and cooking hacks, not just recipes, I recommend finding 10 Dollar Dinners with Melissa d’Arabian, America’s Test Kitchen, and old episodes of Good Eats on TV.
I’ve mentioned her blog before, but if you’re interested in some simple and healthy options, check out Alison Lewis at Ingredientsinc.net. Follow her on Twitter and you’ll discover more food-related resources.
Happy Eating! If you have some suggestions that work for you, drop them in the comments.
Mr. Chris Brogan, social media and online marketing guru, genius, superstar (not sure his official title), has a practice of selecting three words each year as thematic underpinnings for his world. He filters his projects, goals, and so on through his three words.
He recently issued the challenge–and set the cliffhanger for his 1/1/12 release–to his readers to develop their own ‘three words.’ No longer a cliffhanger (I started the draft for this post somewhere near Christmas).
Challenge accepted, Trust Agent
I’ve wrestled with my three words. I’ve tried to conform them into the same part of speech (I ended with a noun, verb, and adjective). I’ve thought about where I’ve been this year and where I’m heading. I know last year focused on focus. I attempted to be more disciplined.
Honestly, I’m worn out with it all. I still agree with the ideas I’ve encouraged in this blog around focusing on single, small, consistent changes, but I’m worn out with the words ‘focus’ and ‘simplify.’
What will be important to me in 2012? If not ‘focus’, then what?
I toyed with a few lists. Lists that featured the same first letter, lists that were action-filled verbs, leasts featuring colorful adjectives. In the end I settled on these three: Depth, Trim, Consistent.
Depth: The Noun
I hope everything I do this year contributes to greater depth in my world: personally, spiritually, relationally, and professionally.
It’s easy to go a mile wide and an inch deep, to give a little to a lot of people, places, or things. In 2012 I believe that being more selective with my projects, both personally and professionally, will allow me to give more completely to them.
Mostly, I want this to apply to my family and friends.
Trim: The Verb
This word is the most closely related to my ‘one word’ from 2011: Simplicity.
I want to trim anything that needs it:
Part of me wants to use ‘chop’, but I don’t like the violent connotation. I like trim. It’s active, yet surgical. It’s precise. It’s selective. It implies purpose, not just random hacking.
Mostly, this word applies to lifestyle, home, finances, health
Consistent: The Adjective
It’s boring to be called ‘consistent,’ but I’ll take it. If, at the end of this year, I can say I was consistent around positive habits and growth, then I would consider that a win.
My work (mostly sales) depends on consistently doing things that don’t immediately produce results. Calls, letters, emails, studying my product don’t always translate into immediate revenue. But over time, traction is gained and flow is achieved.
Consistent isn’t sexy, but it works. I don’t want to lose 30 lbs by February, but if I drop a pound every two weeks throughout the year, I would have tossed a good chunk of fat out the window. I’m good with that. I think anybody would be happy with a 25 lb net loss.
Consistent applies to my habits. I want to select few, but I want to nail them.
With that, I hereby end the obligatory blogger’s requirement of spouting out their annual plans.
Thanks for reading. Enjoy your day.
Although I said I wasn’t going to narrate my 2012 planning process via this blog, I thought it helpful to give examples of the 3 organizational principles I touted a couple days ago.
Today, I’ll talk about my ‘One Word’. In later posts, I’ll discuss my ‘Three Words’ and then my Life Plan.
My Word for 2011: Simplicity
By way of review, my word for 2011 was Simplicity. I chewed up as many minimalist and simplicity blogs as I could. I bought a bunch of ebooks (when I could get them all for a cheap price). I considered going one car or no car. I thought about removing all wall art and sweeping all tchotchkes off of my shells.
I amused myself with how many people made it their life’s aim to own fewer than 100 items (including plates, underwear, and books).
But in the end, I knew that wasn’t the point of selecting that word.
What I Learned…
You can expend a lot of energy attempting to simplify. While I realized I needed to (and still need to) declutter physically, mentally, and spiritually, simplicity (to me) isn’t ultimately about what you remove.
It’s about zeroing in on what’s important.
That’s what I learned:
In the process, I was able to declutter and minimize a bit. The biggest declutter project: ditching my need to have 38 improvement projects on tap simultaneously. Ultimately, it’s helpful to consider only a few changes a year, maybe even fake yourself into only one change. If that change happens, then move on to another.
Is it really helpful to multi-task change?
My Word For 2012: Energy
For 2012, I’ve decided I’ve had it with simplicity, minimalism, and margin. I’m still working in those areas, but I’m weary of droning on about it.
This year, I want to capitalize on my youth. As a new minted man in his 40s, I realize I’m in the prime of my life. Consequently, my word is Energy.
No more will I focus on what to get rid of or minimize. I’m going to pick something and go after it.
For my kids: I realize that my kids don’t just want efficient moms and dads. They want energetic parentals. They want to go and do. My daughter’s teacher last year was the perfect example. Ms. A was full of zeal and energy and my daughter learned so, so much. Delivery is important. When I’m excited, they get excited.
For my work (home, biz, and writing): Seth Godin’s imperative to ‘ship’, as in send out, deliver, quit perfecting and print, stop mulling and pick up the phone and dial, etc. has been a great message to me. That speaks to creating energy and forward motion. No waiting.
For my health: Focusing on ‘Energy’ relates to my health. While 40 is youthful, it’s also a dividing line. I can tell that the habits now will affect my world at 75. I want to feel lighter and be sharp. I want to encourage motion. Healthful food, rest, soccer balls, tennis racquets. Let’s do this thing.
There you have it: Energy. I don’t want to be manic or merely caffienated, just ready to go.
What is your One Word for 2012? (Leave a comment below and then click on the link and participate)
(Next Post: My Brogian 3 Words)
I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to last year. But I’m pretty sure I got much further because I actually wrote things out before the year started.
I went through an elaborate process of reviewing 2010 and planning for 2011. I wrote a few blog posts about it. This year, I’m going to tone it down a bit.
I still think it’s important to prep for the year. Before you shush me because of the bad rap New Year’s resolutions get, stick with me. My reasons for planning a new year:
Here are three helpful practices, two of which keep it very, very simple. Pick one, pick ‘em all:
1. One Word: Last year, I discovered Alece Ronzino’s practice of selecting a one word theme for the upcoming year. My word for 2011 was Focus. To me, focus was about learning to simplify (focusing on only doing the most important things) and being present (focusing on who I was with and what I was doing at any particular time. It helped to have one word in the back of my brain all year.
This year, my word is Energy. I don’t want frenetic or manic energy. I want passionate pursuit of anything that I do. If it’s worth doing, it deserves my high energy effort. Energy is not only how I want to approach things. It’s also what I want more of. If I’m taking care of my mind, heart, and body, then I’ll have less chance to fall into the doldrums.
I suggest you go over to either oneword365.com or gritandglory.com and commit to one word.
2. Three Words: Marketing maniac Chris Brogan selects three words each year as guiding principles behind his efforts. It still keeps the whole new year goal creation process simple. Every goal, project, habit has to be filtered through these major themes.
In my world, I’ve chosen depth, trim, and consistency. I have a blog draft on these, so I won’t go into too much detail. The summary:
I want to pursue these things and any sub-goals with Energy.
3. Life Plan: If you’ve not taken time to go through life planning exercise, I recommend it. Michael Hyatt has a free ebook that will guide you through the process. I took a day and a half last week to walk through it. It was eye-opening to say the least. (I finished the main piece in about 4-5 hours of focused work).
The process helped me with three things:
Admittedly, it’s a little more complex than the first two items, but it’s more of a personal manifesto to have on hand and to develop as you go along. It will change as life changes.
A Point to Remember…
Regardless of our methods of new year preparation, we do not control everything that happens. That’s the beauty of the one or three words: when things happen to us, how will we respond?
Questions (leave a comment below):
Depending on when you read this, the year is just ending or just beginning (or it’s some other random time in the future that you might be rummaging through this blog).
I’m writing this around 6:3o on New Year’s Eve. I have steaks marinating and little chitlins running around the house jacked up on mac and cheese. My wife just had her first opportunity for a shower.
It’s been a rough day. The little ones struggled with their listening skills. My dad and I worked all day putting in a storm door that never quite fit right. So while we were installing, uninstalling, and reinstalling the storm door, I heard the shrieks of dismay as timeouts were being meted out by my soldier of a wife.
That’s how my year is ending. I don’t recall exactly, but minus the storm door, I have a feeling that is how it ended last year, also.
I know it sounds like I am, but I’m not at all complaining. Sure, I’d love eternally cherubic children and I’d love it if everything I bought from Home Depot worked without my dad using his ‘make-it-work’ skills.
But in the end, I’m closing out the year as a happy man. I have a good wife. I have healthy children. I have a good job that, I think, is on the verge of getting better. I have a group of guys that I get together with every Friday morning at 6:30 that challenge and encourage me.
I’ve not gained all that much weight this year (special thanks to a recent end-of-year tummy virus). I’ve read more good books and listened to more good content than I think I’ve ever piled into one year (if you’re curious what some of the good stuff is, just leave a comment).
I’ve grown this year, and I really couldn’t ask for much more.
Finally, if you’re reading this, more than likely you’re a friend or a family member or a new friend through social media. If so, I know you’ve all been sources of growth and encouragement to me this year. Even knowing that a couple folks read these things is an encouragement.
For these things, I thank you all.
I pray you have a wonderful 2o12. Whether you set goals or have general ideas of where you want to be or if you’re in a particularly rough or particularly great place in life right now, I pray that your life changes, somehow, for the better this upcoming 365.
With that, I’m tired. I have to fire up the grill. I’d love to set up some internal links on this blog so you can see some old blog posts about some of the folks I referenced above, but quite honestly, you don’t have time to read all that stuff. You have family or friends to hang with.
Happy New Year, Love Me.
These days, give a person an iPhone and Instagram and he thinks he’s the second coming of Annie Leibovitz
Then you run into someone who can do wonders with a camera.
I’d like to give a shout out to two of these people. If you happen to live either (a) in the Atlanta/North Georgia area or (b) down near Winter Haven/Orlando, etc. in Florida then take a couple notes or keep their web links close by.
Kimberly Herbert Photography
First, Kimberly Herbert of Kimberly Herbert Photography did an amazing job, capturing the personalities of my sons, daughter, and wife. I was blown away with these pictures. Obviously, I believe my kids and wife are empiracally gorgeous, the overall feel and look of these pictures captured more than their cuteness.
I actually got teary-eyed when I got these pictures as a surprise for Christmas. You’ll notice that one of the pictures from this session now graces this blog as my new header. The photo below now makes my office more awesome.
My Wife & Kids, courtesy of www.kimberlyherbertphotography.com
Please go check out her website.
Andy Glogower, innerglowphoto.com
Second is my cousin Andy Glogower. He was nice enough to provide the main photo for my Christmas post about Mary.
I particularly like his performance photos. Of course, it’s also fun to see my extended family captured so beautifully throughout Facebook due to Andy’s work.
I’ve not warned Andy about this post, so I hope it’s okay to include a couple of jpgs… one a collage of me and my boys back when they were just turning one…
…and another of a sunrise over a lake near his house.
Sunrise over Lake Hamilton, Copyright Andy Glogower
I encourage you to look him up on his website to see more galleries and contact him if you’re in the central-ish Florida area.
Who Does Good Work?
One more note. I have not discussed this post with either Kimberly Herbert or Andy Glogower, so I have nothing to gain from this (outside of the Amazon links for Annie Leibovitz and Ansel Adams, so I can make a few pennies if you buy something there).
I encourage you to tell folks in your circles (Google+, Facebook, Twitter, or the normal, traditional ones) about people who do good work for you.
Whether it’s a shoe repair shop, a restaurant, a homebuilder or a photographer, pass along the recommendation. First, you’re helping out the business owner that did good work for you. Second, you’re helping out your network who might appreciate knowing about a trusted resource.
Have you had a top notch experience recently? Where did you sing the praises?
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